Suicide - it doesn't have to happen

As I sat here listening to Chester Bennington of Linkin Park sing, "Shadow of the day", the words, "Sometimes solutions aren't so simple, sometimes goodbye is the only way", are eerily true with Chester taking his own life some time ago.

Linkin Park are one of my favorite bands and especially Chester's voice. Such power within and he used it to awesome effect. I went and saw Linkin Park tear apart Rod Laver arena only a few days after I was out of hospital armed with a PTSD, depression and anxiety diagnoses. My life had fallen apart and I had to rebuild it.

I knew that going to see Linkin Park that night was going to one almighty challenge as my anxiety was at an all time high and the thought of being within crowds and loud noise was anxiety evoking to a high degree but music has always resonated with me and especially Linkin Parks so I snapped up a single ticket for $99 which was front row, to the side of the stage.

That night I watched Chester perform massive. He was extraordinary and in between reasonably sized anxiety attacks i was able to enjoy the genius that Chester was.

That night to me was more than watching a live act, it was more than listening to, at that time, my fave band, it was about proving to myself that I was able to recover from this life changing event that had happened to me.

With 3000+ suicides in Australia last year, our ADF members, both old and new suiciding at an alarming rate and near 30 members of Victoria Police suiciding since 2000, enough is enough.

Even though you may think you are a burden to those close to you, you are not;

Even though you may think you will never see the light again, you will;

Even though you may think that no one understands where you are at, we do;

Even though you may think the world will be better off without you, it won't;

Even though you may think you cannot recover, you can.

It all starts off with speaking out, seeking help. It is not weak to put your hand up to say that you are struggling. It is perfectly okay to not be okay. Get to the GP, get to the psych, ring your EAP, speak to your mates, speak to your family, speak to anyone. I do not care who you speak to, just speak.

No one is alone in their mental health journeys, suicide is not the answer, never is and never will be. You can recover, you can live and you can see the light again.

So yes I agree with Sometimes solutions aren't so simple, but I cannot agree with sometimes goodbye is the only way.

Thank you Chester, you helped me more than you will ever know. RIP.

Surround yourself with diamonds

One thing that I count as a massive positive out of my PTSD journey is that I have been exposed to some incredible people and are now lucky enough to call some of these people mates.

Without going through what I went through, and continue to go through, I would not have been exposed to these men and women who are super influential, smart, tough, resilient, educated and inspirational.

So many aspects of my life operate differently now because I have aligned myself with the teachings I have taken from these people. I won't name any of them as there are to many to name but suffice to say that I am incredibly better off in life knowing them.

I still have my pre PTSD mates to call upon and talk crap with (which we do really well!!) who I admire, respect and enjoy spending time with, who I continue to learn from and ask questions from but the addition of the people I spoke about earlier has just been a massive bonus.

The moral of this story and yes it can be a cliche, but there is massive truth in removing people from your life who are consistently negative, drag you down and are not worthy of your precious time. Concentrate of the positive relationships that make you a better version of yourself and hunt out those that will continue to challenge you to make yourself better and do this is a respectful and teaching way.

There is so much growth in everyone, never stop learning, soak up knowledge and practise what you have been taught by awesome respected people.

Peace.

World Mental Health Day

So today is the world mental health day. Don't get me wrong, any awareness for mental health is a great thing and I applaud it but I also think that every day should be a mental health awareness day.

I hate naming these people as statistics but statistically speaking eight people will have suicided today in Australia. That is eight families who do not have their loved ones around any longer. That is eight groups of friends who have lost their mates and with the COVID lockdowns, particularly here in Victoria and especially in the Melbourne metro area, it is a frightening thought as to what the statistics will say at the end of the year.

We need to speak more, we need to reach out more, we need to understand more, we need to support more, we need to educate more and we need to call out poor behaviour more. By poor behaviour, I am looking at those who stigmatise those who are suffering, those that think it is weak to show others that you have a mental health condition and those that speak down to those that are suffering.

Who has the courage to support mental health and I mean not just around those that are already supportive, I mean around those whose behaviour is poor. Who has the courage to call out, say a manager within their work premises? Or a Captain or a Coach at a sporting club? This takes courage to do but if we are to continue on our trajectory of removing mental health stigma, we need to vigilant and not get complacent with it.

To have a positive impact on someone who is struggling is not a difficult a thing to do. Please do not be scared, your family member, your friend, your colleague or perhaps a complete stranger who is suffering, they are scared, they are confused and their brains are playing tricks on them. Just by taking the time to sit with them, no need to talk if the conversation is not there as just sitting with someone is powerful. You are showing that you care. There is a great saying, "I am not interested in how you walk with the great, I am interested in how you sit with the broken". That is where it is at.

When you have lost all resemblance of self worth, it is a supremely scary place to live so have some empathy for those that are suffering. Be empathetic, be sympathetic, be supportive, ask questions, call out stigma, call out poor behaviour, get educated and be a leader in the mental health atmosphere.

Remember those eight people who will have died today, maybe just maybe if you can have a direct hand in helping lower that number and there can be no finer service to humankind than to help save a persons life.

Be well.

"Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional"

Was chatting to a close mate the other night, Rob Atkins, who just happens to be one of the most tough and resilient cats I know, and then he dropped on me, "pain is inevitable, suffering is optional". (In context we were talking PTSD and our respective diagnoses).

I sat there and looked at the words for what seemed like hours but was literally a minute. The words hit me, resonated with me and challenged me but most of all, I knew these words are so precisely on point they were instantly burnt into my memory.

What you choose to do with your pain is exactly that, your choice. How you deal with this adversity will go along way towards how you live your life. Rob said that when he heard these words, they were a game changer and has helped him considerably.

"Make good decisions" rings in my ears when I am feeling crap because it is easy to make bad unhealthy ones. A good decision is most definitely to acknowledge that pain is inevitable, it happens at some stage to every human being walking this great big chunk of dirt and rock we live on, however suffering is optional.

I understand that my recovery is way different to other persons and the words above are in no way invalidating other peoples journey, however they are true to me and I wish I have of heard this from the get-go.

I accepted my diagnoses immediately however I suffered and pushed the pain away at times. I can now see, for me personally, this was a mistake. I now absorb my pain, I bring it close to me and I do not suffer. I live with it. I choose not to suffer.

Identity

Listening to the awesome Craig Harper podcast "The you project" on the way home today and flicked back to episode one where he had a chat with former St Kilda footy club champion, Nathan Burke.

Nathan spoke about former champion San Francisco 49's quarterback, Steve Young who had a saying, "Football is what I do, it's what I am".

Instantly a massive grin spread across my face, why? Because as a first responder, I have seen it everywhere and it happened to me but I am working on shedding it. "It" is our identity.

You see for not just us first responders, but military members, sportswomen and sportsmen and so many other people working in a range of occupations, our work becomes our identity and when you leave that job, your have a massive loss of identity issue to deal with and if not done correctly, can be catastrophic.

What you do for your occupation is not you - it is what you do during the day/afternoon/evening/night. The other times of the day is who you are, a father, a mother, a brother, a sister, a niece, a nephew, a cricket coach, a tennis coach, a netball coach, a runner, a swimmer, anything but what your occupation is.

As tough as this is, once you leave your workplace, you are replaced. Sometimes this is in real brutal fashion, but it happens.

By all means work hard, dedicate yourself to your work, be a great team player at work but please do not let your identity become your work.

We work to live, not live to work.

Thanks to Craig and Nathan for the awesome chat and thanks to Steve Young for showing that someone earning millions, at the top of his game and a Superbowl winner for showing that football is what he does, not who he is.

"They have it much worse than me"

"They have it much worse than me"…seven words that are incredibly destructive when spoken in the wrong context.

When you are struggling mentally and at times physically, it can be so easy to tell yourself that others have it worse however the most important person to you, is you, so it is perfectly okay, in fact encouraged to put your own health first.

If we obeyed that thought that others have it worse off, we would get nowhere in our recoveries or maintaining a good level of mental health.

Look around the world and yes, it is perceived that in most instances you have it better off than hundreds of millions, perhaps billions of people but you should not feel guilty about that.

If you want to be the best person you can be, you need to focus on you. If you are, among others, healthy, aware, resilient, empathetic and balanced, then you are going to be able to be the best version of you which results in you being the best parent you can be, the best friend you can be, the best colleague you can be etc.

There is a reason why when you are flying that you are instructed to put your own oxygen mask on first, you cannot effectively help anyone else, if you are not right yourself.

Be well.

Looking into the mirror

I looked at myself in the mirror today. I mean I really LOOKED at myself in the mirror. It is the first time for a long time that I have actually done this and it was the first time in, well I cannot remember how long that the person looking back at me was not thinking, failure, fraud, shame and other like words.

The person looking back at me still has a shit tonne of work to do and be much more accountable to himself but bloody hell it was exciting not to have those automatic thoughts.

Being at peace with oneself is something that we, PTSD/anxiety/depression (and shout out to other people with mental health conditions) sufferers rarely experience so when you at peace, well it is just awesome.

A close mate of mine once told me to stare at yourself in the mirror and see what it tells you. I couldn't bring myself to do it, I will now be doing it.

Peace out, be well.