Getting back on the (speaking) horse...

I have been telling my story for nearly a decade and have never struggled like I did a few weeks ago. Not sure why but my brain completely fizzed out, I was emotional and my anxiety went through the roof. Not 100% sure why this happened when it hasn't happened before and one side of me thought this was a failure but the members I spoke to got to see my pure vulnerability and what happens to a person when they are mentally injured so really in essence, it was a success.

I remember thinking after it and for a few days that I didn't want to to do speaking engagements anymore. I didn't want to feel like that again.

I had another speaking session booked in for my Command's wellbeing day and I toyed with pulling out and made some mental notes as to who I could get to replace me, which would have been easy to do, but I knew that this would not be the right thing to do. Not for anyone else, but for me.

Well that wellbeing day was today.

The last few days have been spent constantly going through my story and I went back to using a PowerPoint, which was purely a prompt for me in case my brain fizzed out. Putting a control around the "risk".

It is fair to say that I was an anxious unit this morning and although I settled once I got to the location of the forum, prior to speaking my anxiety peaked. I concentrated on my breathing until it was time to speak, which I did and got through quite well. I appreciated the comments after saying that it was well received.

Now this by no means is a "look at me story" or an attempt to pump myself up, not at all, it is a story that for not only people living with mental health conditions, but all people. We are continually faced with things in life that make us anxious, nervous or fearful but when you are in a controlled environment, it is imperative to give it a go. If you cannot be hurt or others could be hurt, give it a go.

My confidence was sapped after a few weeks back, I now have it mostly back. I know that I will be faced with anxiety the next time I speak but I know I can work through it. There is absolutely no reason why you cannot work through whatever is facing you.

It is a great feeling when you are challenged but you accept that challenge and come out the other side.

Be Well.