From crap to good!!

Been a tough last week or so.

Have taken ages to get to sleep and when I did, have woken up heaps.

Little noises that usually annoy me just a little bit have triggered the shizen out of me.

Lethargic, felt lazy, tired, fatigued, unmotivated...generally feeling crap.

Rode to work this morning and, well as you know we are locked down again, so the gym is closed, so went outside into the outdoor eating area adjacent to the gym.

Sat and took in the darkness, not mine, the skies, felt the chill in the air and then it dawned on me. I am in the midst, well as I think, the tail end, of a rather large wave of depression that has penetrated my meds and is smashing me.

How after being clinically depressed for over a decade do I still not recognise when it has come to give me a special visit?

Surprisingly, the moment I realised where I was at mentally and the instant I accepted it (always nice to get the answer!!), I felt better. Not great, but better.

I was now feeling, a bit above "meh" and I took that.

I concentrated on and completed my rookie level qigong practise (massive shout out to Ross for taking the time to teach me) then went to some of my fave music, put the headphones in and meditated to music. I box breathed and gave myself some good positive self talk.

I feel good.

What is pretty clear to me is that the wave of depression is subsiding but I accelerated it by self care.

Now in no way am I saying that I can just "snap out of it" because that it one of the most stigmatising comments you can ever receive when a person suffers from depression and you just simply cannot just "snap out of it". What I am saying is that skills that I have learnt along the journey worked and they worked well.

I will still be paying "tax" on this episode for a few days yet but I think, for the most part, this episode is now behind me.

I am still trying to work out why, at times, I still don't recognise when I am having a shit one. I mean I have had a shit ton of practise over the years!!

To try and find that answer, I am going to tap into some people who I respect and seek some guidance and advice. This is where when you surround yourself with people who make you better really pays dividends.

I know that they will give me some constructive advice, they won't give me hugs, I don't need them, I need them to tell me how it is and they will do that.

Gone on a bit here but I guess the overall message is that please, even if you are mentally healthy, practise good self care, learn some skills to help ground yourself and importantly, there will be a day where the dark clouds of depression will disappear.

Be well...